First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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