Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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