Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Randomize
