did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
