you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
