tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize