he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
