Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
