Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize