Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
