thus making me awesome and them whores
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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