We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm sobbing to NWA
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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