i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize