Apparently you make a good broom.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
