I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
