He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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