I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
