A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
