We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
