i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize