How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
