Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
