Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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