I think scott just propositioned me for sex
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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