i just wanna soil my oats bro
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
