shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
