I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
