ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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