I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
