Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
