White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
