I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
