I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
