Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
