You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
