Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
