you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
