If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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