i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize