That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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