Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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