Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
