my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
