so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
