why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
