woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
