im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This is classic penis vs brain.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
