she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
