I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
