You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize