I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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