Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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