talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
