Midget sex pt 2 tonight
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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