I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
