im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
