sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Did I show you my penis last night?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
