there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize