Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
im holly from the hills drunk
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
