Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
