last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
