I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
