thus making me awesome and them whores
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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