found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
