R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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