i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
