If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
