he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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