Where did you get a picture of my penis
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
