At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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