Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize