I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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