God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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