I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
