your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
