ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
