i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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