i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
