at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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