your parents love me but you hate me
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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