I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
