Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
