going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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