:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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