Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
