You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
