Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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