we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
