just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
