Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
