I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I intend to get homeless drunk
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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