please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
