I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
