wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
