We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize