Redeem this text for a blowjob
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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