Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
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