3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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