Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
