I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I seem to have left my pride at pride
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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