I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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