I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
