As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
