walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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