dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
