Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
