that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
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