she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
