bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
birth control should be required to get into college
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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