i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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