Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
