One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
