Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
