when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
