i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
