turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
